Everything I planned for is down crashing at my face. Now my life is faced with two choices.
1. Become the kind of guy Sola wished he never be
2. Become relevant following my usual self at the expense of my GPA
3. Become a complete academic Slave and loose on the part of my relevance to the external world of it.
Yimika once said that the sooner you stop to quantify most natural cases, the better your chances of understanding the most natural phenomenon. I don’t yet know what my next line of action, it could be that I just label myself the once bright but now failure, those who showed they care for me because of the false initial good impression will turn their backs on me without knowing. I wish I could write names but if they find out my end is close in their minds. I could also continue with my nonchalant attitude. A lot of people are going to give me diverse advice. I can open up to no one about the true state of my inner mind. Some say I’m easy to read, hard to predict, but no one would have predicted my downfall. A once aspiring 4 student is now on a 2-2.
Have I truly learnt from my mistakes? Do I even realize my mistake, when loads of advice comes, will I be patient enough for it, have I even truly identified my problem, is my problems based of theories I can predict, Is my current state a setback or failure, How do I get these answers?
Is there anyone who will listen to all my whining, every time I think of my current condition, I don’t know, I just feel like I’m the only one who can understand myself aside God. Now one big question is “Am I being punished by God for all the sins I’ve committed”
Now including my mother in this case, what will she think of me? Has she been wasting all that money on me, does every member of my family always have a n academic stigma, I repeated a class thrice, my brother went back once, my sister stayed three years before getting into the university. In secondary school, I once let this brilliancy get into my head, I forgot who God really was, but he never forgot me, He kept sending people to look after me. I did not realize any of that. But the bible says in all situations, give thanks, so I give thanks to God for my present result. Imagine it could have been worse.
My room mate
If I want to develop spiritually, his friends won’t allow that
If I want to develop my career, He won’t allow that, I can’t concentrate; I’m no super special brain. I’m just an ordinary me and with God’s backing, Special Brain
If I want to continue my current life and help a lot of people, I’ll have to question most of my decisions based on him. What is wrong with me, I can’t just figure myself out again
I’m confused, lost and in desperation to get answers, all my life, most of my choices have either been in another person’s shadow or done using all my emotions at it usually living me questioned and at war with myself. All my decisions did not have the God element (Element of Godliness)
God won’t you help me
I’m crying down below
Wandering from your face and lost
And now I’m dying in this place
Nowhere to run to
No place for me to hide
Do I ask too much of you
For you to heal my broken hearth
Please save me Lord
For you are my savior
You’re my joy
Thank you for your saving grace
I’m willing to wait another day
For you to change my way
Change my heart
Change my song
Change the way I see your face
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