NEXT DAY AIR

I keep putting myself out at at her, maybe not the right way but nothing seems to work, I always get polite negative responses from her for my advances.
I've promised myself so many times to let her go but I keep holding tightly tto her.
I've searched for answers in the financial department, If I could step up financially, be independent, maybe she would accept me,
I've also searched answers in the emotional department, be surportive, then she moves close but just close enough to be good friends while I keep struggling with myself just to stay friends with her.
I've even looked for answers in the spititual realm, seems everyone is getting spiritual this days. I've tried to develop a working relationship with God but relationships thrive on time. I've let go of God one time too many but He keeps holding on to me.
Still she seems distant...
I've even tried the things of this world, the things that the world is attracted to, I've tried to look good out of the closet, become confident, talk politely, embrace courtesy, all this at different levels but It just builds pressure in me and I crack too soon.
You see sometimes I feel like if I could just get this girl then I'd be happy, my life will be sweeter, all the wrinkles will smooth out, I'd be set.
One question I fail to ask myself:
Is she really what will complete my life, I mean just because we are compliments don't mean nada but It could mean a lot.
I keep forgetting to see the imperfection in her and how she thrives on the help of others. I mean if I could connect with those around me boy will I be happy. Then my life will make sense and I'd feel complete but no, I'm still stuck on her.
I listen to a lot of christian Rap and Rock songs telling me of how unworthy I am an how much God has for me.
I scarcely read the bible but I desire a sweet and unending relationship with Jesus
…................................Anyways... That's my story so far